All my life growing up I was a gangly kid...all bony knees and elbows. My Dad used to call me his skinny kid. I was pretty active, always outside riding my bike or running around the neighborhood with friends from dawn to dusk...longer than that in the summer.
When I started middle school we moved to a new neighborhood with fewer kids on my street. I discovered the library. I began to read and out grew much of the childhood playing. I was typical teenage busy in high school but no real physical exercise and I was so not into sports.
But I stayed thin. I had a great metabolism and I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining an ounce. (Or curves but that issue is another post...or maybe not a post at all ;-) Every year our school would do a blood drive and I was always too skinny for them to let me donate. The year I finally tipped the scale over to their required donor weight I was ecstatic! I also fainted in front of everyone afterwards which was slightly mortifying.
It's been pretty easy for me to ignore the fact that I'm overweight. At least on a surface level anyway. But it's not as if you can't look at me and tell, but I'll let you thin and normal weight people in on a secret...being overweight is horribly embarrassing and it seems just about hopeless. The fear that it will never change...that you're stuck and it will never go away looms large so to avoid it you ignore it.
I don't really have some big reason why I've decided to deal with it. I turned forty this year so that might be part of it. I mean I'd like to be healthy and enjoy my children growing up. There are some potential health problems that I'd really like to avoid like diabetes and heart disease that run in my family.
I'll be honest and say that vanity is in the mix...I'm tired of being uncomfortable and unhappy with the way I look in clothes. Some large woman can still be fashionable...I don't think I'm one of them. And frumpy just isn't the person I want to be.
The main reason is spiritual. Hiding from sin shouldn't be an option. A lack of discipline and self control...finding more satisfaction with Ben & Jerry than Christ...consuming for the sake of consumption all point to a living for self and the here and now that shouldn't be the mark of a Christian. Food, in all it's glorious and yummy manifestations, should still point us to Christ. We should dine and feast and celebrate life in ways that show true Life is found outside of ourselves...that we are connected to, part of and in Christ.
So, a couple of weeks ago I talked to Rob and we decided I would call a weight loss clinic here in town. I figured this would be great because it would be impersonal and still somewhat anonymous. After all, I wouldn't be seeing these people outside of the office right? Wrong. Turns out the program is run by a woman whose children go to school with my kids..I see her all the time. But it turned out to be a really good thing...no more hiding remember? Besides, Ginger is fun and encouraging and also completely professional. Plus she didn't gawk or gasp with shock when she weighed me and took my measurements the first time I came in :-)
The first two day of the diet are great...eat as much high calorie and fat foods as you can. You want to have those cells nice and full because on day three your diet and caloric intake changes drastically. And by drastically, I mean extreme because your body will target your stored fat so you won't be taking any new fat in. Those first five days following the two big days are what Rob affectionately dubbed hell week. You might get just a tad crabby as you adjust to your new food regime. But you do adjust and it's good...the food is good. Fresh steamed green beans and a grilled tilapia fillet is pretty yummy as a lunch.
I went back this morning for my first weigh in since I started the program. I lost eleven pounds and nine inches. Seeing those kinds of results made me jump with joy and relief. I have quite a road ahead of me still...to reach a healthy weight I need to lose a total of seventy five pounds so I've got a ways to go but I'm off to a good start.
I'm also learning quite a bit about nutrition and that info will probably be popping up here on the blog in various ways. I love how the threads of this part of my life are intertwining with other areas of my life like how and what we consume. I love that as I learn about healthy food and eating habits that it will change how I feed my family and in turn teach them the things they need to know to be healthy.
I realize people can have pretty strong opinions about diets and such so instead of going into detail about how the weight loss program works I've deliberately just added the link in a few paragraphs up. You can research the way the program works if you're interested in knowing more.
So, there. That's my big confession post for today.
I'm pretty excited to be on this journey, finally. I hope you can have some fun with me along the way.