Mainly with myself. Actually, only with myself.
The first week I was so on top of it...measuring every thing, writing down every thing. And it paid off. There was success.
So I'm thinking, Okay, I've got this. I know what to do. And I got a little lax. I wasn't as diligent. And the results weren't the same.
I still lost both inches and pounds but not what I was hoping for.
And it's my own fault.
Because my struggle, my real issue? Is to not look for how easy I can make this. Or how easy I can make anything. It's funny how that theme is a thread running through my life right now.
It's easy to say I've forgiven someone for a past hurt...to just put it aside and everything is fine. But let something be said that challenges that easy forgiveness...let something happen that stirs up the emotion from that situation. Then, then it's not as easy.
It becomes hard and I can choose to look for the easy way of dealing with it. I could rant or be snarky. Be unforgiving. To blow off as unimportant, the truth that they finally see.
But the hard thing is to realize that the truth that is suddenly so beautiful to them now, that wasn't before when I saw it, is Truth and it is beautiful.
The hard thing is to rejoice that God has opened eyes and heart in His time. To be humbled by the knowledge that it has taken me longer than it has others to see some things but thank God, eventually I do see.
The hard thing is for me to accept that I need the structure of writing down what I eat. To add calories...to tally up ounces and measure the tablespoon of milk.
The hard thing is to realize that while all of this, the dieting part and the what-it-really-means-to-forgive part, shows my dependence right now, it also is the very thing that will make me stronger. They are the instruments of growth.
For now it's good.